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Film Review: ABDUCTION from Built for Speed

A new cinematic legend has been born, a film of such astonishing awfulness that it seems to have gained instant cult status with preview audience members already talking about using it for a drinking game, its name… Abduction.  Some films like Plan 9 From Outer Space earn the coveted status of turkey through technical ineptitude, some like Conan: the Barbarian earn it through sheer repulsiveness others like Abduction achieve this honour through hilarious dumbness. 
 
What is supposed to be a Bourne style lost identity spy thriller somehow turns into an outrageously silly teen film with jaw droppingly bad dialogue and acting.

Shirt-phobic Twilight star Taylor Lautner plays a high school outcast who has a strange feeling that he’s not who he thinks he is. His Spidey sense proves accurate when a bunch of typically incompetent armed goons suddenly invade his home looking to kill him. With the aid of CIA agent Alfred Molina, psychiatrist Sigourney weaver and of course the cute girl next door, he goes on the run looking for the truth about his identity.  Confusingly, though, in all this no one is actually abducted.

About half way through this movie I thought it must be a parody and that director John singleton couldn’t possibly be serious but apparently he is.  The lifeless pacing, the feeble, poorly-staged action sequences and Alfred Molina’s comically crap American accent are bad enough but the most “hide under the seat” embarrassing aspect of this cringe-fest is Lautner who’s acting consists of sneers, grins and confused angry expressions reminiscent of a kid who’s just been told he can’t go to Disneyland.  It doesn’t help his cause that he’s fed some of the lamest dialogue in recent memory.  In fact, the dialogue and script in general are so bad that they reduce a legend like Sigourney Weaver to a laughing stock. Both she and Taylor Lautner may have done their careers serious harm by appearing in this film.

Abduction definitely falls into the “so bad it’s good” category and unlike this year’s other mega-turkeys Conan and Your Highness, it actually generates weird feelings of affection.  The audience at the preview were wetting themselves with laughter throughout the film but in the end gave it a standing o.

This is a must see for all the wrong reasons.

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